I seem to spend hours scouring my soul for words to share here. It’s a quiet place today.
I hung ornaments on a tree, sang in a Christmas choral practice. The clouds were smoke blue, the trees naked and white against them. There were spatters of rain.
The day gathers itself up, somehow, expectant, and I sit in the dim, finding no words still, just the echoes of a week of thoughts and readings and conversations, gaze shifting from the immediate to the eternal, heart following hungry and divided.
“No one can look at God and at the reality of the world with undivided gaze as long as God and the world are torn apart. Despite all efforts to prevent it, the eyes still wander from one to the other. Only because there is one place where God and the reality of the world are reconciled with each other, at which God and humanity have become one, is it possible there and there alone to fix one’s eyes on God and the world together at the same time. This place does not lie somewhere beyond reality in the realm of ideas. It lies in the midst of history as a divine miracle. It lies in Jesus Christ the reconciler of the world.”
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer*
It is strange that it should be strange; that I should be surprised that fixing my eyes on Jesus could still the tug-of-war in my soul; that He could satisfy the seemingly contrary longings with Himself; that in calling us to follow Him, He calls us to be flesh, as He became flesh, to live in the world, as He lived in the world; that the celebration of Christmas is not a celebration of earthlings snatched to heaven, but of the King of heaven come to earth.
So maybe you’re like me, quiet today, having spent your words trying to answer hurts and hopes, trying to reconcile things divided. Your words, my words cannot do it. Look to the Word from the beginning with God, receive from His fullness, grace upon grace.
*quoted in Eric Metaxas’ Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. Thomas Nelson, 2010.